Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
