also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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