That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize