Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
