we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
