The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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