shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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