just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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