we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
