her vagine was all disorganized.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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