If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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