Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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