im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
