ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
