hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize