This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
