my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
