it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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