I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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