She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
