best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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