Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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