it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
