I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
