If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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