i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
