Soap is not a condiment
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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