Your tits are I can't wait for
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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