Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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