I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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