think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
