You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
