Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
