never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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