im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
