And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
