the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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