good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
