They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
