I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He passed out mid-signature
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
