I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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