I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
