i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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