Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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