Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
