The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
