i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Less talking, more tequila
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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