Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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