i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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