I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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