I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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