I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.