i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The convent might be a nice break from real life