We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
