I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
