wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
