he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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