Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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