oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
