i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
