My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
