I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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